Special Promotional Virtual Book Blast Tour - books priced .99 or less!

Is the news getting you down? Are you staying away from people to try to stay healthy? Are you looking for things to help you beat cabin fever?

Let Goddess Fish Promotions help you!!!

Here's a great way to fill up your eReader and save money, too!

We have all the subgenres of romance: contemporary, historical, erotic, romantic suspense, scifi and fantasy romance, paranormal romance... along with many many other genres... check them out to see if you find something that tickles your fancy!

There's also a chance for you to win a $25 Amazon or Barnes and Noble (winner's choice) gift card. To be entered for a chance to win, use the form below.

Click here to find books in your favorite genres that are currently only $0.99 or maybe even FREE and feed your reader!!!

Or if you want to directly search a particular genre, check out this list:

Contemporary Romance (erotic and non-erotic)

Historical Romance (erotic and non-erotic)

Science Fiction or Fantasy Romance (erotic and non-erotic)

Romantic Suspense (erotic and non-erotic)

LGBTQ Romance (erotic and non-erotic)

Women's Fiction/Chick Lit

Non-romance Mystery/Suspense/Thriller/Horror

Non-romance Historical Fiction

Non-romance Science Fiction or Fantasy

Literary Fiction/Contemporary Mainstream Fiction

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Book excerpt for YA fantasy The House of Chalice by T.T. Escurel

This post is part of a virtual book tour organized by Goddess Fish Promotions. One randomly chosen commenter will receive a $20 Amazon gift card, an autographed copy of AURONIA, and an autographed copy of THE HOUSE OF CHALICE. Click on the tour banner to see the other stops on the tour.

Vartan is lost. His fiancé has just run off with his mortal enemy and now his mother, the Queen of the House of Rose, has disappeared. Venturing into a land with no magic, no army and no fiancé, will he be able to survive?

Lia is in trouble. Clashpeak has a new king who requires a bride, one who has eyes for the young baker’s daughter. During a violent coup, Lia seizes her chance to escape. With every soldier in the kingdom looking for her, nowhere is safe.

An ancient curse lingers in the air, still working its magic. Madness has seized the blood of the royals of the House of Chalice. A battle for power, the likes of nothing Auronia has ever seen, is about to begin…

Enjoy an excerpt:

Cries of alarm race through the camp as the order to fight goes out. Serena approaches, leading her snow-white mare. She is decked out in leather battle gear with a white fur mantle. A silver dagger hangs from one hip with a swirling purple jewel in the hilt. On the other hip, a rapier.

“You aren’t seriously considering riding to war, Serena,” I growl.

“You couldn’t stop me if you wanted to, Vartan,” she counters, mounting up. “This is my army. I will ride with my men.”

“This is no army, as you stated earlier. These are simple farmers going up against trained soldiers. Without magic, there is little chance we will survive this,” I say, stepping up on my horse.

“My love,” she says, moving her mare to stand beside me, “That is precisely why I must ride with you.” She runs her hand down the fur at her shoulders. “When you ride with me, magic rides with you.”

I frown. “I don’t understand.”

“Feel,” she says, grabbing my hand and running it down the soft fur. I feel a buzz, but I am not really sure if it is from the fur or from the girl. “It is the pelt of an ancient fox, laced with magic older and more powerful than even that of the fairies.”

“Where did you find it?” I ask.

“I killed the fox,” she says, urging her horse forward.

About the Author:

Science Fiction/Fantasy writer in Southern California where the sun shines, the waves roll in and the roads become a backdrop for an apocalypse movie every time the word "precipitation" is mentioned.

Where did you grow up, and how did this influence your writing?

I grew up on a sailboat. That did something odd to my imagination, I think. There is a certain type of surreal serenity that comes with living aboard a boat. That undercurrent seems to run through all my books, even though most of my characters have far more conventional backgrounds. Growing up on a boat helped teach me a stable world evolves not from your environment as much as from your perspective. My books are full of strange worlds and even stranger people, but all my main characters seem to have that grip on reality despite being dropped in the heart of chaos.

Blog | Amazon Author Page
iTunes | Barnes and Noble
Smashwords | Amazon buy link 

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Book blast for From the Ashes by Daisy Harris

Today I'm participating in a 1-day virtual super book blast tour for From the Ashes by Daisy Harris. The book is a contemporary M/M romance book available today from Samhain Publishing.

Daisy will be awarding a $20 gift card to Starbucks to a randomly drawn commenter during the tour, so leave a comment below to be entered for a chance to win. And if you'd like to increase your chances of winning, visit other tour stops and leave comments there, too.

Blurb:

When an accident burns down Jesse’s apartment, he’s left broke and homeless, with a giant dog and a college schedule he can’t afford to maintain. And no family who’s willing to take him in.

Lucky for him, a sexy fireman offers him a place to stay. The drawback? The fireman’s big Latino family lives next door, and they don’t know their son is gay.

Tomas’s parents made their way in America with hard work and by accepting help when it was offered, so he won’t let Jesse drop out of school just so he can afford a place to live. Besides, Jesse’s the perfect roommate—funny, sweet and breathtakingly cute. He climbs into Tomas’s bed and tugs at his heart. Until Jesse starts pushing for more.

Their passion enflames their bodies but threatens to crush Tomas’s family. Tomas is willing to fight for Jesse, but after losing everything, Jesse isn’t sure he can bear to risk his one remaining possession—his heart.

Warning: Contains an angry older brother, judgmental best friends, a slobbering bull mastiff, and enough red-hot gay loving to make a porn star blush.

Excerpt:

The gay guys Tomas hooked up with never seemed to find what he did to them demeaning, but he’d been raised to believe it was.

That was fine when it came to hookups at strange bars in the city, but the kid curled up on his couch watching television wasn’t like those guys. He was sweet and had had a tough time. He didn’t deserve to be treated the way Tomas treated men, even if Jesse thought that’s what he wanted.

By the time he pushed open the door from his bedroom into the living room, Jesse had twisted into the fetal position on the couch, and fallen asleep.

“Jess?” Tomas touched his arm, trying to shake him awake. He needed to get Jesse off the couch long enough to unfold it into a bed.

“Hmm?” Jesse flopped onto his other side, almost falling off in the process.

Tomas shook his head. “All right.” He went to the other side of the loveseat and worked his arms under Jesse’s knees and shoulders. “Up you go.” He lifted.

Waking up, Jesse wrapped his arms around Tomas’s neck.

He smelled like soap from Tomas’s shower, overlaid on the scent of ashes. Jesse pressed a kiss into his shoulder.

“You can take my bed tonight,” Tomas whispered. He tried to ignore the throbbing in his belly and the urge to set Jesse down and lie on top of him.

When he laid Jesse on the bed, Jesse didn’t let go. “I could be rocking your world right now,” Jesse breathed in his ear.

Soundlessly, Tomas gasped. He couldn’t leave the circle of Jesse’s arms. Jesse was stronger than he realized, and in that moment, Tomas was far too weak.

Author Bio and Links:

Birkenstock-wearing glamour girl and mother of two by immaculate conception, Daisy Harris still isn't sure if she writes erotica. Her romances start out innocently enough. However, her characters behave like complete sluts. Much to Miss Harris's dismay the sex tends to get completely out of hand.

She writes about fantastical creatures and about young men getting their freak on, and she's never missed an episode of The Walking Dead.

Want to learn more about new releases, general news and my latest inappropriate boy band crush? Sign up for my newsletter here. 

Find me on Twitter. 

Like me on Facebook. 

My filthy Tumblr feed. 

Amazon buy link 

Samhain buy link 

Barnes and Noble buy link 

Book blast for How to Get Good Reviews on Amazon by Theo Rogers

This is just 1 of 50 virtual book blast stops, all happening today, for How to Get Good Reviews on Amazon: A Guide for Independent Authors and Sellers by Theo Rogers.

There’s a $100 Amazon gift card giveaway to a lucky commentor. Use the form below to enter for a chance to win. And to increase your chances of winning, visit other tour stops today and enter there.

Blurb:  

How To Get Good Reviews On Amazon is a simple, no-nonsense guide that teaches exactly what it says it does. Based on both psychological science and thousands of hours of conversation with some of Amazon’s top reviewers, it takes you behind the scenes into the reviewing subculture that has grown up on Amazon’s website. It gives you a deep, insider’s knowledge of how the top reviewers think and operate. It not only shows you what to do: it takes you inside the reviewers’ heads so that you can see for yourself both how these techniques work and why they’re so effective.

Lessons include:

·         A simple, four-part formula for writing emails that get your work reviewed.

·         Three things never to say when communicating with reviewers!

·         How to pick reviewers who are more likely to give you a good review.

·         How to reduce the chance that a reviewer you contact will post a bad review – even if it turns out they don’t like your work!

·         How people get caught out when receiving reviews from friends and family.

This book teaches an honest, straightforward approach that works. It works because it’s not based gimmicks or tricks but on a real understanding of how Amazon reviewers operate: most of all on what they expect from authors and other sellers. If you want to know how to talk to Amazon reviewers in a way that will make them respect you as a professional and see you as the kind of seller they actually want to help, this is the book for you. 

Excerpt:

Sellers do quite often turn up on forums on Amazon, specifically asking for reviews. Unfortunately, a while ago Amazon changed its policies to expressly forbid this sort of behavior in all forums but one: the Meet Our Authors forum. The trouble with this is that the Meet Our Authors forum is very largely just a bunch of authors spamming each other. Very few seem to have any real interest in what the others are saying.

Despite Amazon’s rule against using its forums for self promotion, people still do it. And in practice the reception that authors and other sellers get when they post on any of the multitude of forums does vary. To some degree it depends on how the author or seller handles themselves.

The other thing you should always be extremely careful about is paying close attention to the codes of behavior considered appropriate among the forum regulars. Different forums have different levels of tolerance for authors or other sellers seeking reviews, or otherwise promoting themselves. For example, the Romance forum has a reputation as a place you should absolutely never leave this kind of post – unless you actually want to be ripped to shreds. Indeed, the Romance forum has developed a reputation as an extremely hostile place for authors in general. So it is important to do your homework on the specific forum you’re considering using.

Author information:

Theo Rogers combines years of coalface experience on Amazon's website with formal training and qualifications in a range of business and social science disciplines. He's spent literally thousands of hours talking with Amazon reviewers, getting inside their heads, and learning what makes them tick. He's spent almost as many hours observing the carnage that so often takes place on Amazon's forums. In the process he's developed a deep insider's knowledge of the reviewing subculture that's grown up on Amazon's website.

He's also seen a lot of authors and other would-be sellers make the same mistakes in their dealings with that subculture - over and over again.

As a result of his experiences, Theo has come to believe that yes, there is a simple formula that works: a way of dealing with reviewers that's honest, powerful, and extremely effective at winning reviewers over, getting them on your side, and making them actually want to help you.

You can connect with Theo through his Facebook page.

Buy links: 
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ED1QGXC and http://www.amazon.ca/dp/B00ED1QGXC/

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Super book blast tour stop for Shadow of Danger by Kristine Mason

Today, the blog is a virtual super book blast tour stop for the romantic suspense novel, Shadow of Danger, by Kristine Mason. 

This is a one-day only tour on many blogs and with many giveaways. Kristine will be awarding four (4) print copies of Pick Me (US only) and three (3) $10 Amazon gift cards to randomly drawn commenters during the tour. Leave a comment below for a chance to win, and if you want to increase your chances, visit other tour stops today and leave comments there.

Blurb:

Four women have been found dead in the outskirts of a small Wisconsin town. The only witness, clairvoyant Celeste Risinski, observes these brutal murders through violent nightmares and hellish visions. The local sheriff, who believes in Celeste’s abilities and wants to rid their peaceful community of a killer, enlists the help on an old friend, Ian Scott, owner of a private criminal investigation agency, CORE. Because of Ian’s dark history with Celeste’s family, a history she knows nothing about, he sends his top criminalist, former FBI agent John Kain to investigate.

John doesn’t believe in Celeste’s mystic hocus-pocus, or in her visions of the murders. But just when he’s certain they’ve solved the crimes, with the use of science and evidence, more dead bodies are discovered. Could this somehow be the work of the same killer or were they dealing with a copycat? To catch a vicious murderer, the skeptical criminalist reluctantly turns to the sensual psychic for help. Yet with each step closer to finding the killer, John finds himself one step closer to losing his heart.

Excerpt: (hero)

John Kain knelt, resting his forearm on his thigh as he studied one of the four victims. Bruises marred her flesh, her inner thighs, her face and chest, while her mouth gaped open as if she’d died screaming. The thin line of purple running around her neck was telling. She’d been strangled. Beaten, raped, then strangled. Just like the other three.

Roy, the sheriff who’d reminded him of Paul Bunyan, minus the ax and blue ox, came up beside him. “What are you thinking?”

John stood, then scanned the area, the dense woods, the highway where the deputies had set up a road block. The smooth asphalt was littered with police cruisers, several CSU vans, and maybe a half-dozen deputies. “I can’t be sure, but I spoke with...Mitchell?”

“Yeah.” The sheriff nodded. “He’s the lead with Eau Claire’s CSU team.”

“Mitchell tentatively confirmed your suspicions, but will know more during the autopsies.”

“Shit.”

“My exact thought. You’re in a heap of it.” And he’d just plowed through his own pile in Chicago, the stench still lingering, still fresh.

When he’d joined CORE, he’d known he would see just as much as he had when he’d been with the FBI, but Ian had promised downtime in between cases, something he’d never had with the Bureau. Something he needed now. What he’d witnessed while working with the Chicago PD and FBI Field Office would haunt him for a lifetime. And as pissed as he was about having a mini vacation dangled in front of him, then quickly pulled away with one simple phone call, he still had a job to do.

Author bio and links:

I didn’t pick up my first romance novel until I was in my late twenties. Immediately hooked, I read a bazillion books before deciding to write one of my own. After the birth of my first son I needed something to keep my mind from turning to mush, and Sesame Street wasn’t cutting it. While that first book will never see the light of day, something good had come from writing it. I realized my passion, and had found a career that I love.

When I’m not writing contemporary romances and dark, romantic suspense novels (or reading them!) I’m chasing after my four kids and two neurotic dogs.

Links:

Facebook | Twitter |  Website

Books available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and iBooks

Book blast tour stop for Lucid by Natalie Roers

Today is a one-day virtual book blast tour for Lucid by Natalie Roers, a YA paranormal fantasy available from Twilight Times Books. This is just one of numerous stops for the tour.

Natalie will be awarding a $10 Amazon or BN.com gift card to one randomly drawn commentor today. To be entered to win, enter an e-mail with your comment below, so you can be contact if you're the winner. And if you'd like to increase your chances of winning, visit other stops and comment there. 

Blurb:  

Being hailed by critics as an intelligent new voice in young adult fiction, Roers' debut novel tells the anything but ordinary, coming of age story of a small town, teen aged, misfit named Travis Hunter.

Disfigured at birth and ostracized at school, Travis dreams of acceptance and secretly yearns for the affection of a beautiful young woman named Corrine. When a mysterious doctor promises to help Travis through something called lucid dreaming, Travis suddenly finds himself ushered into a secret society called "The Lucid", a collection of social outcasts like himself, who have created their own world inside of dreams.

When Travis discovers he is able to bring Corrine into these dreams, he gets more than he ever bargained for and soon finds himself learning the secrets of love and life in a fantastic unconscious world.

An instant classic, Lucid is a timeless story of self-acceptance with a fresh paranormal twist. 

Excerpt:

Corrine’s breathing quickened and she pushed against my chest to break the hold.

Not wanting to let go, I grabbed at her waist again, but she stopped me.

“What did you do that for?” I asked, my voice low and raspy. Even I couldn’t  tell if I was asking why she kissed me or why she had stopped.

Corrine stepped back even further and looked down at her legs.  That’s when I saw it. The shin of her left leg was starting to fade.

“Travis, I don’t know you,” she said softly. “If this is real, though? If it’s really real, like you say it is? I want to meet you. Do you understand me? I want you to come and find me as soon as you wake up.”

The light around us changed. It was sunset. Amazing reds, golds, and purples, streaked across the sky.

Review soundbytes:

"Roers' debut novel heralds the arrival of an intelligent, heartfelt voice in the world of young adult fiction. The rich characters, emotional complexity, and confident prose are matched only by the landscape of dreams that Roers sets them against... a landscape brought vividly to life by the author's seemingly boundless imagination. This is a novel that respects its readers as much as its characters, and that's a beautiful rarity."
~ Mike Flanagan, Filmmaker, Absentia and Oculus

"Natalie Roers' debut novel is both riveting and relevant. More than a paranormal/fantasy/thriller, this is a complex tale that cuts to the very of heart of issues facing young adults today. Well sculptured characters and powerful imagery propel Roers' fascinating narrative."
~ Jason Tinney (Award-winning freelance journalist, musician, actor and the author of the story collection Bluebird.)

"Lucid is an interesting story and a fun read."
~ Amy Carol Reeves, author of Ripper and Renegade

"Natalie Roers' voice is amazingly confident for a first novelist. Her journalist's eye for human detail draws you in, and makes you care about the people who populate the LUCID world. The more I got to know them, both awake and asleep in the world of lucid dreaming, the more time I wanted to spend in their world."
~ Jeff Howard, writer for Film District and Focus Features.

Author information:

Natalie Roers is a veteran writer, voice artist, and on-air personality. A journalist by trade, Lucid is her first work of fiction. She is busy at work on her second novel and hopes to raise money and social awareness for worthy causes with each book she writes. Natalie plans to donate a portion of every sale of this book to her favorite anti-bullying organizations. She lives with her husband Cory, and son Austin, in Columbia, South Carolina.

LINKS:

Websites

jointhelucid.com

http://natasha-r.com/writer/

FB

https://www.facebook.com/natalie.roers?fref=ts

https://www.facebook.com/jointhelucid?fref=ts

Blog

http://jointhelucid.com/blog/

Goodreads

http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/16214486-lucid

Special note: You can download this book for only $4.99 this month! That price won't last!

Link to buy on Amazon - http://www.amazon.com/Natalie-Roers/e/B00CQCCJ0O/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1368395305&sr=8-1

Link to buy on Barnes and Noble - http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/books/1115281192?ean=2940016700366

Readers, remember: Natalie will be awarding a $10 Amazon or B&N gift card to one randomly drawn commentor today. To be entered to win, enter an e-mail with your comment below, so you can be contact if you're the winner. And if you'd like to increase your chances of winning, visit other stops and comment there. 

Book blast tour stop for the Blood Destiny series by Helen Harper

Today I'm a book blast tour host for the Blood Destiny series of urban fantasy books by Helen Harper.

Helen will be awarding a $25 Amazon GC to a randomly drawn person during the tour. To enter, use the form at the end of the interview. For more chances to win, visit other tour stops and enter there, too!

Blurbs:

Bloodfire

Mackenzie Smith has always known that she was different. Growing up as the only human in a pack of rural shapeshifters will do that to you, but then couple it with some mean fighting skills and a fiery temper and you end up with a woman that few will dare to cross. However, when the only father figure in her life is brutally murdered, and the dangerous Brethren with their predatory Lord Alpha come to investigate, Mack has to not only ensure the physical safety of her adopted family by hiding her apparent humanity, she also has to seek the blood-soaked vengeance that she craves.

Bloodmagic

After escaping the claws of Corrigan, the Lord Alpha of the Brethren, Mack is trying to lead a quiet lonely life in Inverness in rural Scotland, away from anyone who might happen to be a shapeshifter. However, when she lands a job at an old bookstore owned by a mysterious elderly woman who not only has a familiar passion for herbal lore but also seems to know more than she should, Mack ends up caught in a maelstrom between the Ministry of Mages, the Fae and the Brethren.

Now she has to decide between staying hidden and facing the music, as well as confronting her real feelings for the green eyed power of Corrigan himself.

Bloodrage

Mack begins her training at the mages' academy in the hope that, by complying, the stasis spell will be lifted from her old friend, Mrs. Alcoon. However, once there, she finds herself surrounded by unfriendly adults and petulant teenagers, the majority of whom seem determined to see her fail.

Feeling attacked on all fronts, Mack finds it harder and harder to keep a rein on her temper. Forced to attend anger management classes and deal with the predatory attentions of Corrigan, the Lord Alpha of the shapeshifter world, her emotions start to unravel. But when she comes across a familiar text within the walls of the mages' library, which might just provide the clues she needs to unlock the secrets of her background and her dragon blood, she realises that her problems are only just beginning...

Excerpt from Bloodfire:

Forgetting that I was supposed to be keeping my head down, I scanned the ranks of the other Brethren shifters. I was curious now about what their feelings were about taking in some of their distant country bumpkin cousins.  My eyes travelled down the line.  There was a bored looking blonde haired woman with a stance that suggested predator –wolf perhaps – then a slight dark man who was obviously a fox judging by the calculating cunning in his eyes, then there was…uh-oh.

The next shifter was looking right at me.  Green gold predatory eyes gazed into mine expressionlessly.  I snapped my eyes back to the floor and stopped breathing.

I’m no-one, no-one worthy of attention, I whispered silently, trying to quash the rising panic.  I couldn’t endanger the rest of the pack by being discovered.  Every sinew in my body screamed but I forced myself to keep my eyes and head trained on the ground.

Don’t look up.  Don’t look up.  Don’t look up.  Seconds passed.  Minutes.

Author Bio and Links:

Helen Harper is an English teacher currently living abroad in Malaysia. As a long time reader of urban fantasy, she finally bit the bullet and began to develop her own series of novels.

Helen has always been a book lover, devouring science fiction and fantasy tales when she was a child growing up in Scotland. "I always loved the escapism provided by those genres," states Helen. "No matter how bad life gets, you can always find a route out, even if only temporarily, in the pages of a good book."

The growth of urban fantasy fascinated her - the mix of reality and fantasy along with strong heroic female characters appealed from the very beginning, and inspired her to write her own.

 Facebook Author page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Helen-Harper/101590660022586

Twitter: HarperFire

Amazon.com buy links:

Bloodfire

http://www.amazon.com/Bloodfire-Blood-Destiny-1-ebook/dp/B00AU43ZXK/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

Bloodmagic

http://www.amazon.com/Bloodmagic-Blood-Destiny-2-ebook/dp/B00AU0O00G/ref=pd_sim_kstore_1

Bloodrage

http://www.amazon.com/Bloodrage-Blood-Destiny-3-ebook/dp/B00BQEFTPK/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1362894945&sr=1-1&keywords=bloodrage

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Virtual book blast stop for Manless in Montclair by Amy Holman Edelman

Today is a virtual book blast stop for chick lit author Amy Holman Edelman and her novel Manless in Montclair. 

As an added treat, Amy is giving away a $25 Amazon gift card to a randomly chosen commentor during the tour. You can enter to win by leaving an e-mail address with a comment on this post. And if you'd like more chances to win, you can visit other tour stops and leave more comments.

Bio:

Amy Holman Edelman lives in New Jersey with her husband, children and Irish Jack Russell, Roxy. She is the also author of The Little Black Dress ('97).

Blurb:

Being short with big boobs means living life off-balance. Isabel knows this all too well; at five feet nothing with a tendency to tip over in heels, she's struggled for twenty-five years to make clothes, careers, and boyfriends fit. Enter Michael. Divorced father, recovering alcoholic, and fifteen years her senior--he was the last guy she thought would make the cut. But when he proposed over a pastrami sandwich in a NYC deli on the anniversary of their first date, Isabel knew, improbably, that he was the one.

Fifteen mostly happy years and two kids later, Isabel walks into her living room to discover her husband dead on the floor, leaving her a widow at forty-one. At Michael's funeral, a guest solemnly informs her that the official mourning period for a Jewish widow is thirty days. At the moment, Isabel can't imagine a time when she will stop grieving. Not helping the process is this: as a single mom living in the very married suburbs, for the first time in fifteen years Isabel once again just doesn't fit in.

It takes her four-year-old daughter's request for a new daddy to set Isabel on a journey through online dating, shifty matchmakers, and painfully orchestrated single dinners. But after endless dates, a torrid affair with an unemployed, passive-aggressive neighbor, and a story on page three of the New York Daily News, Isabel begins to realize that another man may not be the answer and, surprisingly, that's when things begin to change for the better...

Excerpt:

“So what number are you up to now?” my mom asked over dessert at a nearby restaurant. She had stopped for an early dinner after meeting a client in New York and was taking advantage of the few minutes we had alone while the kids were in the bathroom.

“What do you mean ‘what number’?”

“You know…how many men?”

Uh-oh, I thought. “Why do you ask?”

“Well,” she said, leaning in confidentially, “I heard somewhere that dating is really just a numbers game. The twenty-eighth guy you meet,” she said, “will be the one.”

“Really? What about the first twenty-seven?”

“I don’t know. Practice?”

“Hmmm. Do I have to date ’em only once? Or do they only count if they’re a multiple date?”

“Gee,” my mother said thoughtfully, tapping her manicured fingernails on the tablecloth. “I’m not sure.”

“And do I have to sleep with the twenty-seven prior to number twenty-eight? Or just maybe dinner?”

“Well…maybe dinner and a movie.”

“Does coffee count?”